Q & A

I had a little question and answer session with myself last night.

Q:  You, Randy, get off work at 1:00am.  The bar closes at 2:00am.  How drunk can you get in exactly 1 hour of drinking?

A:  Extremely.

Wedding Photos

Thank you to Mike LaPointe and Katie Asaro for capturing these and many more wonderful images from our big day.  Turned out great.

Photo-Waders

I finally received the flash drive that contains 8gb of our wedding photos.

As much as I thought I wasn't going to be, I am more than excited to wade through them all.

That wonderful day as I perceived it was over in the blink of an eye, and I am interested to see what the camera captured that my memory did not.

I shall post the winners shortly.

Algebra : Revised

The fundamental laws of mathematics are as immutable as much as they are arbitrary constructs of human thought.  Equations of all kinds with their many variables exist rigidly within the confines of Algebra, Geometry, Chemistry, Calculus, etc. etc.  The Pythagorean Theorem for example is A2 + B2 = C2, never A2 + C2 = B2.  Trying to outright remove one variable from any such equation, not simply move around and solve the equations with appropriate changes to division or multiplication, is not only mathematically impossible but also completely impractical.  Like trying to have the Pythagorean Theorem exist as A2 = C2.   Not related to mathematics at all, but existing metaphorically parallel to that impossibility, I have been attempting to remove a necessary variable from a constant equation.  It has proven to be very difficult and impractical indeed, but not in the very least impossible.

Like I said, it is all merely a construct of human thought, and as such, should be able to be thought out and reapplied differently... as much as we humans see fit to think.

Waiting Room

Sitting in the waiting room of the uninsured,

listening to soft rock and asthmatic breathing.

The receptionist is friendly enough,

with her cheap haircut and unslept eyes.

Here today looking for the all clear,

the "It is nothing,"

the "Just keep an eye on it."

Filing out all the forms,

the DOB, the check yes or no,
the sign here and here.

Do I let the man

with the sprained wrist

go ahead of me?

No, because I am an American,

and God damn it, I was here first.

T.W.A.E.

There's a list of well over 100 songs that see regular rotation across almost all radio stations, that when I hear them, I hear different lyrics in my head.  Sometimes I sing them out loud, sometimes I keep it to myself.

My Sharona - The Knack

Beat It - Michael Jackson

Bad - Michael Jackson

I Think I'm Alone Now - Tiffany (really The Shondells)

American Pie - Don McClean

These are only but a few examples, and I am of course referring to a common symptom that most children of the 90's experience, 'The Weird Al Effect.'

I am also pleased to announce that my wife and best friend will be attending my first and possibly only Weird Al concert tonight, oh happy day.

Cheers childhood Randy!

Patterns

One thing I notice when I'm lucky enough to be looking out from the window seat of an airplane, is that all the rivers and tributaries look like blood vessels.  When you look at a high resolution close-up of the human eye, all the blood vessels look like trees and branches.  When you look at the roots of a tree or the veins on a leaf, the same pattern emerges.  These patterns recur all throughout nature and are also known as fractals.  They can be mathematically duplicated ad infinitum into absolutely stunning works of art.  Truly awe inspiring stuff.

What cannot be mathematically duplicated are the asymmetrical and swollen patterns of the veins on my left leg.  Appearing roughly a week ago and out of nowhere, they demonstrate to me that everything, even the beautiful patterns of nature, can sometimes go wrong.  Mutations and illnesses come from out of nowhere, strike without hesitation, and show no mercy.

Perhaps I should go get it checked out.  May need some road work on my body's highways.

Grindstone

Sometimes you've got to squeeze your tongue out of the corner of your mouth, squint one eye, and really put your weight behind pushing your life to the grindstone.

Politics and News

As I scroll through the day's top news stories on my computer, I can't help but feel confused and lost.

The main story is the highly covered case on the politics of self-defense with the George Zimmerman trial.  There are two other stories on shootings today listed in the middle of the list of headlines.  One of a fifteen year old's birthday party where one teenager was shot and killed and several were wounded, and another at a San Francisco shopping center where two were killed and one was wounded.  Seven UN peacekeepers were killed in Darfur and a third hospitalized victim died from the Asiana plane crash that occurred earlier this week.

Then, buried way at the bottom, beneath the reviews and grossing information of the film 'Pacific Rim,' beneath the discovery of yet another blue planet in the universe capable of sustaining life, beneath all the latest drama circling around the NBA draft, lies an article where a recent study shows that over 2 million people die annually from the accelerated decline in air quality world wide.

2 million people a year.  365 days a year.  Thats almost five and a half thousand people a day, all with families, all with problems, keeling over and dying from the damage we've done to our planet.

I'm not an environmentalist, I'm not a gun rights fanatic, and I definitely don't give a damn about the NBA.  But I am a man who knows that something is wrong with the 'Media' and to a greater sense the human condition.

I try not to, but always inevitably do, declare that I'm glad I live in Montana and don't have to deal with that sort of shit.  I also almost never have a solution or positive input towards these problems as much as I would like to.  So like I said, I can't help but feel confused and lost.

Also, Pacific Rim wasn't that good of a movie, as much as it to be with giant robots fighting giant aliens.

Rude Assumptions

Yesterday I saw a heard of children,
and it may not be my place to judge,
but upon review of their dirty clothes,
their fat bodies and crooked teeth,
smudged faces and fingers in their noses.
I made the rude assumption,
that these children were raised and tended,
by second-hand smoke and daytime TV,
soda pop and Pokemon.

Yesterday I saw the mom and dad,
the creators of that heard of children,
I knew it was the parents,
I could see it in their fat bodies,
the crooked teeth.
I made the rude assumption,
that these parents were raised and tended,
by Keystone Ice and unemployment checks,
a fierce hand and a shorter temper.

Two generations of Americana,
loving each other dearly,
dragging their knuckles in the dirt,
breathing through their mouths,
that sick dog-shit breath.

You know you are growing up when...

...you realize that your desk isn't big enough to contain your work.

...you get excited at what type of desk you will acquire to compensate for this problem.

...you get even more excited that a bigger desk means you get to go shopping for a new scanner.

Desert Engineering

Oiled and ready,

springs with Teflon synthetic,

piston tiered behind 152mm,

primer punches into powder,

so much energy,

so little room.

Built for war, bought for awe.

Gas and political pressure unite,

take hand in its making.

Yet now so calm,

cold and gutted on my end table.

A masterwork,

steel forged,

kept safe,

kept clean,

it is its own museum.

Running

I don't believe that you could win the presidency with the campaign slogan "Sorry for Partying!"

I do believe you could run though.

Yowl

For the past two nights at around 4:30 am, two neighborhood cats have been going at it.  Nothing can pierce through crisp summer moonlight like the yowls of dueling felines.  At first they moan to each other  and I awake thinking that small children are crying in the street.  The cries turn angry, they raise the pitch, and all of a sudden its like you've tried to start a car with the two cats under the hood.  I can almost hear the fur flying and the claws digging out blood.

For a moment I am worried.  It's almost like lying awake as a young boy listening to your parents fight, hoping everything will be all right.

Silence.

One more hiss and the loser departs to go lick its wound under some carport or dumpster.

Hot Dog Zapper

Here perhaps, is proof that I either should or should not embark down a career of electricity.  Shown is a prototype field test of the 'Starling Zapper' my friend Chad was contracted to build, a web cam operated bird termination device.  Testing was done on a hot dog, we decided that was similar enough to the physical make up of a small bird.  The device has since gone active and is fully functioning.

Barrel Cactus

If a cactus falls in the desert, and nothing is around to hear it, does it make a noise?  Does it make a dust plume?  What happens to the water contained therein?

Cat Heat

There are not too many options for dealing with a heatwave when you live in an upstairs apartment without air-conditioning, especially when you are a cat.

I've noticed that our two have taken these measures:

-Sleep 23.95 hours per day.

-Don't eat.

I do what I can with ice cubes in their water and daily brushing, and at least they are faring better than the fish tank.