New Years Eve

I've never really been one to have New Year's resolutions.  Perhaps this year my resolution will be to have one next year.

The Quiet of the Morning

In the mornings, after my wife has gone to work, the quiet routine of my father and I is pretty clockwork.

He flips through the newspaper and curses his body as well as the daily stories.  He drinks cold coffee.

I flip through my phone and get caught up on whatever, silently checking my bank account etc.  I drink hot coffee.

Worms and Bugs

When the weather gets this cold, I can't help but think of all the earthworms and bugs out there.

How in the hell do they stay alive through all this?

They must be miles in the ground to not freeze to death.

Warmth

The cold outside can always be nullified by the warmth of the mind and spirit.

Today, I shall leave my winter coat at home...

Spam

I eat roughly one can of Spam a week.

Some people find Spam a little on the weirder side, but do not realize that it is nothing more than steam pressed pork/ham.

Pepperoni or hotdogs have substantially weirder ingredients, but do not get such a bad reputation.

I feel as bad for Spam as I enjoy it.

Gurgling

The heating system in our home has been exceptionally gurgly as of late.

Pretty sure it is air trapped in the pipes, but it kind of sounds like mini waterfalls and someone's stomach who ate too much on Thanksgiving.

Absence of Dark

Lying in bed this morning, I thought to myself...

If darkness is the absence of light, is there such a thing as the absence of darkness?  Or is darkness the only true constant state in the universe that light needs to exist?

Also about Age

The need to go to bed at 10:30 is a new phenomenon for me.

I chalk that one up to me growing older.

Accidental Insurance Fraud

Unknowingly, I was involved in an insurance mistake at work.  Through an error at Blue Cross Blue Shield, I was never properly processed into their system.  I had been paying into the pool for eight months, but never actually receiving coverage (luckily I didn't have to use it).  When it was discovered, I was promptly resigned up, and informed I would receive a retroavtive payment for what I was paying for but not receiving.

Kind of a nice bonus right before the Holidays!

State of Mind

Purchasing a new vehicle was entertaining this weekend, as was taking it to Missoula for a concert.

Got one of two deer butchered, got the Christmas tree up and house decorated, and got a little headstart on Christmas shopping.

A little productivity does wonders for one's state of mind.

Pickle

I've found myself in a pickle.  My grandfather gave me an older truck that I got fixed up but continues to have issues. My brother and I got snowed in at Boulder last weekend during the final weekend of hunting season, forcing me to leave the truck there.  The truck will not idle, dying at every stop.  We managed to limp it home late last night, but I need to have it fixed yet again (the ball joints went bad the weekend prior, and took a week to get fixed to allow the vehicle to steer).  My grandfather (who currently doesn't have a driver's license) let me borrow his Honda Pilot all the while to get to work.

He is now convinced that he needs his Honda back.

I do not want to upset the man, I love him dearly and respect what he has given me.

I gave my last car to a friend to help him out of a financial pickle of his own (a decision I sort of regret at this juncture (I've always been too nice for my own good)).

So now I need to get the Honda back, get the truck fixed, and figure out a way to get to work until the dust settles that hopefully doesn't involve walking 8 miles in the freezing cold.

Cricket

For three days a cricket has been chirping nonstop in our basement.  I know he's just down there singing a love song, but I do feel bad for him.  Both myself and the spiders that dwell down there would like to find him...

On my Mind

Sending out drivers to the far reaches of the state when the snow flies at it did last night, their safety is on my mind.  Often out with or before the plows, breaking trail is a frequent occurrence for our delivery vehicles.

My faint sleep was not interrupted with a phone call of emergency last night, so I'm assuming that all is well...

Here

Riots in the streets,

flames in the night.

A country divided,

no end in sight.

The end of the road,

or the start of a new?

Here in Montana,

not much to do.

Problems less dire,

questions less searing.

Like a bum truck,

with no power steering.

Binoculars

While hunting this last weekend and watching my dad and brother constantly throwing binoculars up to their faces, I was reminded of a garage sale we had two summers ago as we prepared to leave Missoula.  For at this garage sale, we had a pair of cheap binoculars on the table, and literally every single person who stopped by took a moment to look through them.

It became almost a joke and experiment when someone would stop, 'you think they're gonna look through them?'

Sure enough, everyone did.

I guess it is human nature to look through binoculars.

Flannel Sheets

Listening to the wind smash icy rain against the side of our house isn't doing much for making me want to go hunting.

It is making me want to remain in the flannel sheets Melissa bought for our bed.

In-a-gadda-da-vida

Went to visit my grandfather just now to catch up on some BS and thank him for giving me his pickup truck.

The radio doesn't work that well, but I discovered that the tape deck works just fine.

I was very pleasantly surprised to find an Iron Butterfly tape in a junk drawer of mine...

Daewoo

I'm getting rid of my 2001 Daewoo Nubira today.  I've had this car for 4 years now, and paid $2000 dollars for it.  That comes out to roughly $1.40 per day to own.

I don't think I could have owned a better piece of shit.

Bundled

My daily blog was postponed by mechanical issues at work yesterday when I teceived a call at 5am that a truck was broken down.  I had to go in and get an old 1970s International box truck started and everything unloaded and then swapped and reloaded.  Then after deciding that I was a little manlier than I thought I drove my standard transmission truck to work for the first time after I got home from the emergency call.  Everything went smoothly.  Then I had a meeting with our main freight company's managers to discuss interrelationship efficiencies.  Today brings a managers meeting within our own company to discuss efficincies internally.

I've always worn responsibilty well, and these days I keep fairly bundled up with it.

Now it seems, I should take a moment to contemplate what I'm doing for Thanksgiving...

No More Parties

Halloweens over, survived my buddy's 30th, and for the next foreseeable future there are no more parties upcoming.

As fun as it is to party, I am looking forward to a little tranquility in life.

Better Living Through Technology

Today (hopefully) my pickup truck will be ready to be picked up at the shop after two weeks of being serviced from a decade of sitting outside.  They fixed all the lights and blinkers, replaced dead fuses and belts, and cleaned up all the filters and other myriad issues.  One thing they told me that they could not fix was the broken speedometer, it sits dead at 85mph no matter what speed the vehicle is moving.  Not to worry though, with better living through technology I have downloaded a gps operated speedometer app onto my smartphone that I can place on the dash to track my speed.

When the truck was born in 1984, Im sure nobody ever thought that it would have satellite assisted speed control.

Birthday Party

This weekend, one of my best friends will be turning 30.  A few of my friends are already 30, and soon I will be as well.

Holy crap.  'Doesn't feel like we've grown up at all,' he told me last night.

'No it doesn't,' I replied.  'But you are an electrician and I run a warehouse, thats kind of grown up, right?'

'Yes,' he said, as we fired up some video games.

Warehouse vs Restaurant

When told by my higher-ups that they want me to manage the warehouse more like a restaurant, I couldn't help but think, 'this is very much not a restaurant.'

The Tire Business

Wintertime in Montana, especially when the weather shifts this rapidly, is a boom for the tire business.  I got to the tire shop this morning before they opened to be greeted with a line of people waiting to get snow tires put on their vehicles.

As I sit and wait, the amount of people flooding in the door getting told the wait time is upwards of three hours is kind of amusing, especiay when you factor in what the cold will do to one's demeanor.  

First Snow

Last night as the wind howled and our home's heater made bizarre gurgling noises, the first winter storm laid a blanket of frozen across the town.  Our cat attempted to make its morning jaunt outside, only to give the snow a resounding 'fuck that,' and dart back inside.

Leaves

Even though I've raked twice, it is a little despairing how many leaves are still clinging to the willow tree at our house.  I worry the snow will fall before they do, and I will be left with a frozen organic mess of a yard.

Red Wednesday

Even though I'm fairly certain that not much will change in my day to day life, the results of yesterday's midterm elections gives me an uneasy feeling as I head out the door...

Disguised

Yesterday Melissa and I went shopping at various department outlets and grocery stores around town.  Among the things purchased was new underwear (kindof excited about that today).

The thing that felt bizarre about the trip is that I felt very much disguised.  Shaved head and goatee, wearing blue jeans (which I never wear) and a fleece pullover (which I also never wear), I felt like I was dressed up as some sort of evil yuppy Randy.

'things'

Tomorrow morning I am going to shave my head for my Halloween costume.

I can't help but hope that I do not discover any weird 'things' hiding under there...

Tiny Man Revisited

Today, while cleaning and dusting the living room, I got a stick up my ass and took my soapstone sculpture 'Tiny Man' outside and rubbed it down with some fine grit sandpaper.  It has been roughly a year and a half since I last worked on him (thats ok because I have dubbed it my lifetime project).  Here is an updated photo.

4th Dimension

While driving home on the interstate Sunday night, I blindly changed out my CD like I always do, relying solely on muscle memory so as to keep my eyes on the road.  When I closed the faceplate no music played.  'No Disc,' was displayed.  I hit eject several times, nothing came out.  I looked around in my lap and on the floorboards, nothing.  I put in a different CD which then began to play as notmal.  'Huh,' I thought to myself.  When I arrived home I thoroughly searched my CD wallet and car interior, and the mystery CD was nowhere to be found.

The album Monolithic Baby by Monster Magnet was properly inserted into the 4th Dimension Sunday night, never to be seen again.

Twinky

Yesterday afternoon I went hunting for the first time in over a decade with my brother in the hills behind Boulder, MT.  We drove around some crumby roads and hiked up a steep slope while clicking away at a GPS trying to ride slivers of public land trying to avoid private and reach the chunk of block management we were registered to access.  Angel poop snowflakes were dancing in the gusty wind of twilight.  We saw three does and a tiny one-by-two buck he had nicknamed 'Twinky.'

Even though we did not get anything, it was a refreshing experience of being a St. Clair.  We cracked jokes about our uncle every time one of us would snap a twig underfoot.

'Now goddamnit be quiet...' we would say in our best Arnold whisper.

I look forward to getting out again.

I Have

Have you ever been so lucky as to crack an egg with two yokes in it?

Have you ever been so scorned as to get a loaf of bread that has three heals on it?

I have.

Pallets

Working in a warehouse I see alot of pallets come and go.

Pallets are like snowflakes, but even more unique.

No two are alike, and unlike snowflakes they do not melt.

Some have likely been to multiple continents.

Some could be decades old, nailed back into shape with a board here and a screw there.

I wish they could tell their stories.

Everytime one breaks I feel a little sad that it is destined to a scrap pile for firewood.

Some may have carried gold bricks, salt, or air conditioners.  Maybe all three...

Coincidence

Sometime in the next few days my Halloween costume should be showing up in the mail.

It is a 'no shit' hazmat suit.

I ordered it quite a while ago, and no coincidence aside may prove valuable during any potential Ebola outbreaks.

A Return (Of Sorts)

The three or four people who regularly checked this blog have likely noticed that is has been extremely inactive as of late.  A dead and resurrected phone, canning tomato products, a new truck, learning to drive a manual transmission, a missing cat, a found cat, pumkin carving;  these are the things that would have filled that void.  The details of all these events will not be delved into at this juncture, wholly a fault of my own lack of writing.

Here is me returning to my blog.

-Randall

Night Time Thinking

Tonight, in the late hours, I find myself searching.  Searching for a spark, for something to stoke a waning flame within me.  A flame that I fear my heart is losing, a flame that would keep me from growing cold.  Not an evil cold, not a loveless cold, but rather a cold that spins the hands of the clock just a little faster with each passing day.  A cold that hides from me the feelings of the moment, a greying cold.

I know where this spark hides.  It is not lost.  It lives in the moments I've been moving too fast to perceive.  It's in the cracked and faded old paint chips hanging from the door my great grandfather hung decades ago.  It's in the blades of grass, new and old, that I absently yank a hose and sprinkler over.  This spark can be found in our cat's meow as I tell it to 'shut the fuck up,' and the look of not caring it gives me as it plods away.  There is something I need to be absorbing, filing within myself, from the dozens of identical phone messages my dying grandfather leaves on the answering machine throughout the week.

"Hello, just calling to check in, I'll talk at you later," he always says.

Knowing his worsening mental and physical condition, I realize that I should be more involved with his end-life.  The cold in me doesn't hold this notion.  It is over end-life, been there done that.  People, even family members (especially family members), will die.  It sucks while it is happening but then it ends and things go back to an emptier normal.  At least until the next time...

This is the cold talking.  The cold that will make me upset at stacks of envelopes or a cluttered sink.  Stupid things that threaten to invade my sense of daily import.

I am not this cold person, I never have been nor do I intend to be.

That is why I must find and add fuel to the spark.  Why I must slow down.

Look more people in the eye, try to end phone conversations less quickly, take more pictures, look at more pictures, read a god-damn book, shake up the routine, start being where I am, not where I'm going, listen to whole albums and not the same song over and over, read the classifieds, read the obituaries, get more out of my exercise routine than droning out 30 pushups 30 pull-ups and 30 abdominal crunches, stop rounding everything to 30, mail a postcard to my grandmother, paint that old door, or maybe, just maybe, I need to get down on my hands and knees and just start meowing back at the cat.

Answers

Depending on what company you keep, one does not need to ask questions to get answers.

Life after Death

There has been a bad spell of mortality in our fish tank of late.  The last 6 months has heralded the end of Dwarf Frogs, Gouramis, Eels, and Danios.  Two robust Cories (catfish) and our Plecostomus are all that remain.

There was a little miracle a few weeks ago though, where after a school of Long-Finned Danios all perished suddenly, Melissa noticed a small speck fluttering in the water.  Upon closer review, this speck of detritus turned out in fact be a minnow.  With nothing but bottom feeders left in the tank, this little minnow has managed to go uneaten.

Now roughly the length of a pencil eraser, this little Danio symbolizes life after death, and a new hope for the St. Clair family fish tank.

Pet Peeve

When I get any sort of mail, be it a letter, package, card, or bill, I immediately process and dispose of it.  I may hold onto a card from my grandmother a day or two before tossing it as an exception.  It grinds my gears though when someone accumulates piles of correspondence and envelopes cluttering up tables and counters.

That is all. 

Scotch

Sitting here by myself in the late hours of work, I find my mind zoned out on a yellow (it could be green, I am color blind after-all) scotch tape dispenser.

Do you capitalize the scotch in scotch tape, as in Scotch tape?  It is capitalized on the dispenser, but that could be due to an egotism from the Scotch tape dispenser manufacturer.  'Our tape is so important it is a proper-noun' they probably think as their machines kick out dispensers.

Is Scotch/scotch tape made in Scotland?  Unlikely.  Does the glue in Scotch/scotch tape contain a derivative of single malt in its adhesive?  Even more unlikely.

Does staring at the Scotch brand Scotch/scotch tape dispenser make me want to consume a fine single malt?

Definitely.

Do any other companies make off-brand

Scotch/scotch tape?  If so, do they have an uncapitalized scotch tape and matching dispenser?

I think it is time I get back to work...

Leslie Lake

I took an extended camping trip into the Elkhorn mountains this weekend.  It was a phenomenal time that changed my outlook on who I am and what I am capable of.  Mostly it was the task of getting a little 2WD Honda Recon ATV up a rocky and harrowing 5 mile 'trail' up to Leslie Lake.  Never having any 4 wheeler experience, or experience with a manual transmission, I was a little nervous at the onset.  Once I got the hang of it though, I decided that it was something that I was meant to do.  Shooting up boulders and crossing streams started to feel like second nature.

Sadly, my phone decided to break, so I couldn't take any pictures of the pristine lake or the monstrous trout swimming within  that wanted nothing to do with the lures I tossed in.

Before the Heat

The calm of the morning breeze before the heat sets in is always so comforting, like a blanket of tranquility over my small town.  People scoop up their children and their lunchboxes, drink their coffee and ready their weeks.  Firework garbage litters the streets and the yards of East Helena, an acceptable trash once a year. Work that was so hastily abandoned Thursday afternoon anxiously awaits a helping hand to finish up the job.  The Ghosts of Kessler are climbing back into their walls and ramparts, the spiders back to their corners and underthings.

I tuck my weekend back to sleep, and get ready before the heat as well.

Guilt over Regret

I do my best to live my life free from guilt, for I do not wear it well.  Lying is something I do not do, and have pretty much found that I cannot do.  Regret will follow me in my mind, heavy and persistent, if I do in the off chance make a mistake of poor judgement.  Guilt over regret, I don't easily forget.  I can and will apologize to the end of the Earth and back, to try and lessen the burden.  Usually my regrets are minor, but they feel like an anvil welded to my conscious.  

Cliche

When I hear people call something 'cliche,' I think that they are a little 'cliche.'

Mimicry

I often have to catch myself and manage my mannerisms and speech to sound more like Randy than those I spend time with.  For I am prone to mimic.  It is a habit I've always had.  I will adopt gestures and phrases easily and accurately.

I don't feel this is a sour habit by any means, imitiation is the most sincere form of flattery after all.  It is just that I believe it is best to be original when at all possible.

Tenth of a Decade

Finally, after just shy of one year, I have removed the 'just married' paint from my car.

Mostly.

Patterns Blended

Since I've moved back to Helena, I notice patterns of my childhood blended into my adult life.  Something as simple as an old warped Hot-wheels race track in the garage brings back memories from my youth, memories I tuck away to make room for my new weed-eater.

Wooly Deer Mammoth

While watching a movie set in Alaska last night, my imagination and few glasses of wine were convinced that they had made a scientific breakthrough.

The moose, is not just a moose.  It is actually a wooly deer mammoth.

Dandelions

With every dandelion I cut from my yard, I try and create a balance between well maintained weed-free grass and leaving resources for bees.  Dandelions are one of the first sources of pollen for struggling bee populations in spring.  Our yard has been an ample buffet of sourts, and though there are now fewer items on the menu, I left a small patch on the North end for our pollinating friends.

Dark Mantle

Being the life of the party, of every party, can be a uniquely dark mantle to wear upon one's life.

Waiting

Waiting for the weather to turn nice enough to plant grass seeds in Montana is not unlike watching a pot of water come to boil.  It always takes longer than you think.

Strength from Ease

One thing in my life that makes me think of myself as a little bit hardier than other Americans, is my ability to happily eat the exact same meal for breakfast and lunch every single day of the work week.  

Strength through ease.

Underwear and Garbage Liners

Underwear and garbage liners are two things that are worth spending a little more for higher quality.  Best to avoid a blowout, it could be very messy and embarrassing.

A or B

When a cat blissfully sleeps on the folds of your blanket preventing you from making the bed, do you...

A)  Pick the cat up and toss it to the side in order to make the bed, suffering the wrath of the cat.

or...

B)  Let the cat lie, and suffer the wrath of your wife from the unmade bed.

Age

As I grow older, I've noticed a few things that my age has given me.

1). My feet aquire an odd smell by the end of the day.

2). My hairline is balding only on the left side of my head.

3). All that lost hair has taken to growing inside my nose.

4). I enjoy corny action movies twice as much.

5). I have taken to drilling holes in anything any chance I get.

In the Presence of Ghosts

Last night, in the very late hours, I found myself alone in the dark and quiet (and haunted) warehouse where I work.

I have decided that the ghosts are extremely human.  I felt as if our presences to each other were very apparent, yet very anticlimactic.  Like two people taking a shit in adjacent stalls.

Detail

When I stare out of our second story window into the top of our decades old juniper tree, it gets me thinking.  Thinking spurred on by my read of Robert Frost's 'Design' this morning.  It got me looking into things, deep into things.

The way a juniper tree has not needles nor leaves, but rather scaled clusters of aromatic green.  Slender reptilian fingers that offer up the dry and gray-blue berries few creatures desire.  These smallish 'berries' aren't actually berries at all, but rather cones with flesh instead of scales.  I think back to when I was younger, playing in the back yard.  "Berries are for eating, this is a berry, I'm going to eat it," I thought.  I retained a vivid memory of that taste, and of spitting it out, and of my dad telling me it was poison.  That same taste is used to flavor gin, one of my least favorite spirits.  I just now put that together...

The bark looks like its been through hell and back.  Dry, gnarled, gray and cracking.  Dead strips hang onto the living tree, life protected by death.  The tree has always grown straight.  Perhaps it was planted in a good spot, perhaps it has good tree genetics.  Our juniper tree is an athlete among juniper trees, it reaches higher than the eaves.  My vision is lacking, but I try and stare even deeper at the cone-berries.  I think of one that I cannot see, of one that is in highest bows, held close in the shade by the trunk.  Perhaps this cone-berry is infected.  The seed of the tree replaced by the seed of some parasitic insect, now a nursery for a larvae that is soon to emerge into the Spring. The larvae with so many macroscopic pieces, bug organs and bug hair, so intricately put together within its cone-berry.  Nature's attention to detail, to design.  When this bug emerges, chances are it may be instantly gobbled up by a robin or a magpie.  Flushed down through an avian intestinal tract, ending up hours later as a mostly white plop on the hood of my car that was made in South Korea.  A car that has traveled so many miles to get where it is at today, further by itself than it will ever carry me.

Up Late

The final whir of the printers fade.

The moans of a hungry stomach,

a language I can't speak

yet my body does.

My hands dry and bleeding

out from the cuts and cracks.

Hours on my watch

worth less than minutes now.

Tired,

yes.

Broken,

no.

A job well done,

always and again.

Pride less in what I do,

more in how I do it.

Tomorrow my list

greets me with my coffee,

always.

Fix this,

file that,

clean this, 

buy that.

Life's routine,

as much out of the office

as in.

To take on more?

There's only one shot

we're given.

Yes,

always.

Cancer

When I see other people dealing with cancer it always hits me close to home.  A coworker of mine, a really cool guy who I haven't known for very long, has been in Seattle a few days coming to terms with a diagnosis on his three year old daughter.  He needs to be there with her more than he needs to be dealing with work and all of life's regular bills.  That's not to say that the bills won't stop coming.  I doubt he will ever read this blog, but I jumped on donating all of my accrued paid time off to him to lessen his burden and buy him a few days at least.

I just wish I could do more.

Sheep Mountain

Last evening, while enjoying a majestic game of folf on Sheep Mountain in Clancy, MT, I stopped to urinate from atop a boulder.  Looking out over the landscape, I awed at the still snow-covered mountains in the distance and the boulder riddled hills we were within.

I couldn't help but smile at the beauty and the relief from taking an overdue piss.

Note:  I always forget to take pictures (not of the piss, but of the view).

Fingernails

These days whenever I clip my fingernails, I seem to take them back just a little farther everytime.  Today I paused to wonder, at this rate, will I even have fingernails when I'm old and grey?

Yeti Tracking

Sometimes my dreams reach a certain level of vividness that amaze me.  They feel as if they last for days or weeks.

Last night I was deep in the Crimean wilderness heading an expedition to track and study the effects of global warming on the local Yeti population.  We hiked for days through waste deep snow and biting cold to rendezvous with an elusive hermit who was an expert on the matter. His cabin was full of yeti artifacts; bones, fossilized poop, and fur.  We reached a tattered fence that was the boundary to their habitat, a fence the hermit warned us not to cross.  Some jerkoff on my team crossed it anyways and was promptly ripped to shreds by a female yeti.  He shot the yeti in the process, which triggered an entire herd of the beasts to come charging at us.  We retreated to a local bar, where a group of drunken revelers took turns trying to dance with the raging yetis.  They were all ripped in half in their attempts, but nobody seemed to notice.  I finally managed to appologize to the alpha-yeti, through a series of grunts and hand gestures.  They left the blood soaked bar and went back to the mountains.

I awoke, and looked at the clock.

1:30 am.

I had only been asleep for 2 hours.

Voila!

Today I learned the perfect way to make synthetic cat puke.

Simply microwave oatmeal and milk too long.

Voila!

Handshake Question

There's so much you can assume of a man by his handshake.  Some people think they will have them all figured out and cement their first impressions based on the firmness of that meeting grip.

My question is, is what can you assume from a handshake with a woman?  Do you place those same internal accusations on a female?  Are you even supposed to shake a woman's hand?  Does the whole system of judgement get reversed, or completely thrown off the bus?

Procrastination

I consider myself to be fairly responsible and proactive, yet I have always suffered somewhat from procrastination.

Case in point is not the fact that we still haven't finished our 'thank you' cards from our wedding, but the fact that I still have remnants of the 'just married' paint stuck to the shitty exterior of my shitty car.

Note:  I was married June 23rd, 2013.

Tom Hanks

I must have ate something my body didn't agree with.

For the past 24 hours my stomach has felt like a Tom Hanks movie.  Very gripping and moving, but it will probably have a happy ending.

Bigfoot

This weekend my wife and I attended the annual Bigfoot Hunt in Elliston Montana.  It was the first time we've ever gone to this, and for those of you who are not familiar with the Bigfoot Hunt, it is essentially 500 drunk people who clamber around in the pitch black woods looking for a man hiding in a gorilla suit.

It takes place on a ten acre property a few miles from the Lawdog Saloon.  This year he was found in about thirty five minutes.  Then, around a fifty foot bonfire, the largest snowball fight I've ever witnessed commenced.  Watching the snowballs fly through the wall of flames was a sight to behold.

If you ever have the chance to attend this event, I earnestly reccomend it.

Recipes and Education

I liken following a recipe while cooking, to my short stint at Computer Engineering in higher education.

1/2 cup of this class
1Tbsp of this textbook
3 cups of mathematics
4 quarts of monotony

Mix and stir.

Bake in the oven for exactly 4 years.

Let stand in this job for 40 years.

You now have a job as a Computer Tech.

Serves 1.

The way I was taught to cook by a wise mentor doesn't follow recipes, but rather uses them as a rough guideline, letting experience and creativity fill the gaps.  This more fittingly reminds me of the Creative Writing program from which I graduated.

Assemble your ingredients (your choosing)
Add pinches of this and gobs of that
Throw in a little 'whatever you're feeling'
Cook till it looks done
Enjoy whatever it is you've created, and share it with whoever you would like.

Thank you Robert.

Tricks

My mind played a little trick on me yesterday.  After eating my ritual toasted ham and egg samdwich, and drinking my ritual two cups off coffee, I loaded into my crappy car and headed to work.

I turned up the new CD I ordered, and as I buzzed down the interstate I pondered my blog...

"Did you write something today?" I asked myself.

Thinking about it as I listened to the song, 'When Kindness Fails' by Joe Ely, I concluded that I had.

I couldn't remember what I had written, but was pretty sure I tapped out something on my smartphone keys.

This morning, curious to see what it was that I had written and couldn't remember, I am not all that surprised to discover that I was mistaken.

Dark Light

Have you ever seen

the Dark Light?

Shining from within,

specks of dust float,

through its blackened beams.

Clear as silence,

the Dark Light,

guides you to nowhere.

It is as unilluminated

as a frustration,

as a hunger,

as a dream you can't remember.

Hunting Bullets

One of my biggest excitements in moving back home is the opportunity to get back into the family activity of hunting.  Listed below, and pun intended, is a bulleted list of reasons why.

- Spending time with my brother.

- Getting outdoors in unfamiliar locations.

- The prospect of a freezer full of meat to play with.

- The prospect of a new trophy to display.

- An excuse to buy a new gun.

Spring Cleaning

As the snow recedes and the green blossoms, Springtime settles into the Helena Valley.  An extra hour of sunlight is ours in the afternoons.  This means Spring cleaning is right around the corner.

Last night, I had a dream where I was attempting to clean out my Father's garage.  In my dream, I removed about a dozen old bicycles to uncover a small hydraulic scissor-lift.  I used the lift to access the rafters (the garage had rafters in my dream).  Up there I discovered a family of small black kittens.

Then I woke up.

The thing is, is that this scenario probably doesn't lie too far outside the realm of possibility.

Rainy Day Monday

Blue morning, Grey Day,

something got you down?

Rainy Day Monday,

emotions coming down.

New Day, Green Valley,

snow pack melting down.

Blue Monday, Blue Day,

put your weekend down.

St. Clair Flood Watch

As Prickly Pear Creek flows high through East Helena from excessive snowfall followed by brisk warm weather, flooding has occured and will potentially continue to occur.  Our block is adjacent to the houses hit worst yesterday.

Never to worry though, my Uncle Arnold and myself have established the St. Clair Flood Watch.  I call him, he calls me, we keep it updated.

Current update:  'Call Uncle Arnold if any new updates happen.'

Shards of Glass

I've always found a sincere natural representation of beauty in shards of glass.

Micrometer sharp and completely smooth, the contours form instantly and precisely when glass is shattered.

Whether it be a millions of years old hunk of obsidian lying in some forgotten field, or some drunks tumbler of scotch smashed on a barroom floor, the effect is the same.

Simultaneously as dangerous as it is beautiful, broken glass is an amazing candidate for the duality of Nature.  Something that must be carefully managed, as it is swept up off the floor or picked up keen-fully and fastened to the end of spear.

Test of Manhood

Sometimes, when I'm driving in the rain, I feel a true test of my manhood is having my wiper-blades set as slow as possible.

Then when I drive behind a huge truck with wipers going full blast, I think, "pussy..."

Cartographer

I once knew a man who was going to a school of higher education in pursuit of a degree in Cartography.

"Don't they pretty much have it all mapped out these days?" I asked.

"Yea, for the most part," he replied.

"So is there much demand for cartographers anymore?" I asked.

"Oh yes, very high demand," he replied.

"Are you mapping the depths of the oceans, or perhaps outer-space?" I asked.

"You sure do ask a lot of questions," he replied.  "And no, we aim to remap the Earth more efficiently."

"They have Google Earth available for free on the internet," I said.  "Total satellite imagery of the entire planet."

"Is my pizza ready yet?" he asked.

Very Adult

I can honestly say that I am looking forward to going to the dentist.

It has been at least seven years since my last visit, and in one month I will have dental insurance for both my wife and myself. 

How very adult.

Huckleberry Anything

In Montana, we have the option of buying huckleberry flavored anything.  Tea, chocolate, beer, soap, bbq-sauce, hot-sauce, etc etc.

I'm currently drinking my first ever cup of huckleberry coffee.

Honestly, it's not that great.  Berry infusions don't need to get into certain aspects of our lives.

I don't see myself ever buying huckleberry scotch, huckleberry ammo, or huckleberry coffee again.

Medical Advice

"Let the water's energy permeate your being.  Allow the goodness of Nature to flow within you, allow all your negativity to escape through this gateway."

- My example of holistic medical advice.

"Take two Tylenol and don't bleed on the carpet."

- My mother's medical advice.

My Wife's Pretty Flowers

Care

I don't care if an individual is gay any more than I care if they pass a law in Arizona to discriminate against gays.

I mean, I hope they don't pass the bill, it's just tough to give a shit these days about something that monumentously unimportant.

Snow-Shui

After two hours of becoming one with my snow-shovel, the three vehicles at our home now have cozy little parking spots.

Whether or not they can exit/enter said parking spots, remains to be seen...

Also, the art of zenfully stacking snow I have now dubbed Snow-Shui.  The attempt at aesthetic orientation after heaving a shovelful over the fence into the yard quickly became a game for me.

At War with Art

On Friday I was admiring the creativity of Nature for producing limitless unique snowflakes.

After driving to and back from Missoula this weekend in the worst road conditions I've ever experienced, I couldn't help but think I was a war with her art.  Waves of white flying at the windshield like stars during warp-drive.  Icy roads hidden under a never-ending blanket of slippery mush.

A reminder that Nature's beauty will always have a distinct wrath hidden within the contours of its design.

Creative

If no two snowflakes are alike, and it has snowed as much as it did last night, I can't help but think... 'Wow Nature, you are very creative.'

Moldova

My morning routine today was cut short when I was called in early to work because I was needed to 'deal with a problem.'

When I arrived I discovered that 'the problem' was an angry Moldovian trucker who had been waiting there for a handful of hours to be unloaded.

I walked away from the experience a smarter man, for I learned that you should never deal with an angry Moldovian trucker.  Rather, you should never deal with an angry Moldovian.  Ever.

Kessler Ghosts

The warehouse where I work at used to be the old Kessler Brewery in Helena, Montana.  It was built in the late 1860s and has somewhat of a storied past of entrepreneurialism and prohibition era industry.  The building has been demolished and rebuilt a hand-full of times, but the original 'core' of the building still exists and has been converted into room after winding room of storage.  Badly damaged in 1935 by earthquakes that rattled Helena, no less than 2 men lost their lives inside the building over the centuries.

It truly is a wondrously old place to earn my living.  We are constantly finding false-walls and doors that lead to bricked off nowheres.  A few months ago we discovered a small sealed wooden box at the end of a narrow tunnel leading 5 feet deep into a wall (we opened it, it was empty).  A few days ago we moved a shelving unit to discover a door (we opened it) that led to a small empty room that looks like it hadn't seen light in decades.

Broken wine bottles are frequently discovered in the morning when we arrive, smashed in the middle of aisles of three-tiered wine storage racks.  Perhaps we should put an end to opening of sealed boxes and rooms...

East Acre and Beyond

East Acre and Beyond, like the town I named it after, has been very quiet and 'keep to itself' as of late.

Time to shake it up.

Maybe i should run for mayor...

...or city council ward...

...maybe I should just change my morning routine to include a blog entry again.

Not Where I Do My Drinking

The weekend saw me bowl one of the best games of my life, a great work party with some great people, and me getting kicked out of two different bars in downtown Helena in the span of about an hour.

This is what I learned:

Downtown Helena is not where I do my drinking anymore.

Mythological Experiment

The Greek hero Perseus' bravery has never been in question.  Yet, perhaps if he were more inquisitive he would try an experiment with lights refraction in regards to Medusa's gaze.  You see, if you look Medusa dead in the eye or through a mirror's reflection, one will turn to stone.  I wonder if you were to use a prism to warp her glare, if the play of light would also alter her magic, turning one into something such as tree bark, or Greek Yogurt.

Morning Ascends

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Spinning

When the world started spinning,
where were you?
Hope laced reality, full glass
of sweet red dreams,
did you taste the feel of it?

As the world keeps spinning,
where are you?
Imagination of the now,
notes of Then to There flow,
a warm small hand rolls outside a moving car.

When the world stops spinning,
where will you be?
Imagination in a shallow grave,
on the side of some dirt road,
off in a ditch no-one notices,
There,
and still.

Wind

As the wind pushes against our two story house through the night , it feels like a younger brother wrapped around the back and neck of an older brother trying to bring it down to no avail.

Time to Go

The last crumbs of burnt pretzel in the bowl of pub mix,

the foamy bottoms of damp mugs on stained coasters,

toilet paper hanging to the floor of overflowing urinals,

angry cab drivers waiting in the parking lot for drunk fairs,

lights on, time to go.

Warm January Morning

Bitter wind and freezing rain on a warm January morning.

Nothing about that sentence adds up.

Unless you put, 'in Montana' at the end.

Fate and Fortune

The moments of our days weave together to form tapestries of fate and fortune.

A little under-profound perhaps, but very poignant is the story of a day of my friend Bryan.

While home-ridden and suffering from a hangover, he receives a call from me to help me get my giant American television home from Costco.  Reluctant to leave his house at all, he agrees to help a friend in need.

We get it home and set it up, play a few video games, and then he decides to head back to his own couch (our friend Mike was with him, also hungover, also helping me move my giant American television).

On their way home they decide that maybe a caesar is in order, so they swing into a casino for the cocktails.

One caesar down they flip coin to decide whether a second is needed.

Heads, another.

While waiting for their next drinks, he decides to play the casino machine and promptly wins $800.

Yes, fate and fortune exist somewhere within their tapestries of moments.

2014

New Years Eve saw its fair-share of tears, blood-shed, and meatball dip.

2013 had weddings, moves, and new jobs.

Im ready for 2014.

It may take a leap of faith with eyes shut and breath held, but I'm ready.